Article: The cars behind the art

Bentley Arnage

We all know what is thought of old Bentleys. Pensioner, retired architect, old
timer. They’re definitely not being driven by pro footballers and models but, why I ask, for some reason why, does this car just have so much of a cool factor to it. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me but this is one old Bentley I would actually consider purchasing. Now, there’s method to the madness, trust me…

As you can see this is also another car that had a really long life, 12 years, which is less than the Rolls-Royce Phantom VII (it’s contemporary rival), you may say. Yes I know, having 15 years the Phantom VII did outlive the Arnage but hear me out, it is the longest running Phantom ever so
whatever. When new, I would no doubt have the Rolls but now in 2024, the Arnage would be my choice. You may fervently disagree but don’t worry, you’ll side me once I’m done with the yapping.

Now first of all, the Arnage was Bentley’s first entirely newly designed car since
1980, which means it ain’t just another rebadged Rolls-Royce, like your Opel/ Vaxhaull story. So this now allowed us to get the true Bentley, away from the bullying and control of it’s big brother. Basically, Bentley at school, away from home. He can vape, galavant around the playground, mingle with the girls, goof around at class. Mom won’t know, dad won’t know, and
hopefully not his big brother. Arnage is his name, and what do I think of him?

Well, I’m going to start with the engine, or engines, of course. While the Arnage was being produced, a few engines were being probed and examined to find out what Bentley’s new creation would be powered by. Just to name some, they tried the General Motors Premium V engine and even the Mercedes-Benz M119 . But then Bentley owners, Vickers settled for BMWs
twin turbocharged V8 codenamed M62. And by the way it was co-engineered with Cosworth, the lads that made many a crazy RS Ford ( Sierra’s, Perana’s, that sort…) and also built the naturally
aspirated V16 in Bugatti’s new Tourbillon hypercar. So, a very superb donar engine
indeed. Like getting organs from Sylvester Stallone in his prime. It’s an engine that is
lacking absolutely nothing in the context of luxury. It’s one properly smooth engine as
it should be in Bentley’s most expensive product of the time. And when you give it the beans there’s a rich, bassy tone

coming out the exhaust and it’s only better when you have to flex your foot just a little
bit, being all there for your indulgence. Like when a kid discovers the Soft Serve
machine is now free to use. But it only took a year for Bentley to change the Sylvester Stallone organs…to Dwayne Johnson ones. Yes, this time the boys at Bentley had their usual spiceless fish and chips with beans then one lad decided “meh, 4.4l just ain’t large enough innit?” So, what did they go for on the dawn of the new millennium? A whopping 6.8 litre naturally aspirated V8. And this was an engine from the archives. Bentley had already used it in the Continental R and
Azure, so why not in the flagship sedan? But why the change so soon, you may ask? Well, BMW’s 4.4l V8 simply couldn’t handle more than 560N.m of torque and for Bentley, such a number was just too little for a car weighing more than 2.3 tonnes. It’s like when your laptop storage can
only fit half of the GTA V file and you’re a gamer. Well then you start to think… “hmm, I’m going to need a gaming PC.” Yes, rich kid stuff which is what our snobbish boy Arnage definitely is. So in came the gaming PC. Now, from a measly 560N.m to a stonking 875N.m in a flash. From half
a GTA V file to Call Of Duty: Black ops, EA FC25 and Need For Speed: Unbound all in one ease. And to only make it better they were launched in models named Red Label and Green label.

Maserati GranTurismo

The duration of time this car was in production for might be a higher number than some people reading this. 16 years. Now, while that may be very young in terms of age, that is just a staggering lifetime for one generation of a model. In human terms, it lived well into it’s 90s. In fact, you could be a teenager dreaming of owning this car and then be a middle-aged man with a wife and kids and still buy the same generation of it. That means you didn’t even have to become a six figure wager to own your very own Maserati GranTurismo. Start saving when you’re 18 and you should afford it before you’re 34, especially after the stock market crash-like depreciation. Actually, when new one of these were well over $200 000 in 2008 but now you could get them for even lower than $40 000! That’s less than a new Toyota Prius, people. If you can’t save 40k in 16 years (that’s literally $2500 a year) for a damn Maserati, then I’m sorry, you really do love the feel of a Toyota Corolla, which millions of other people have. Which now brings me on to why you really want to have a GranTurismo. And also why you don’t…

The sweet parts

The obvious one has to be the looks. Hating the way this looks is like saying Rihanna is ugly. In lamens terms, you don’t have human eyes at all. When new, this was one jaw dropping GT and even in it’s old age it still qualifies to dance at the strip club. For me it’s the shape, it’s got curves, hips, swoops, its a literal supermodel on wheels. If I’m being truly honest there’s nothing I’d actually change on this car. They got the lights right, the grille, the shape, the proportions. They sure got it all right those Italians. Nitpicking? Nah, I’m an artist, not a librarian. And considering most people aren’t as car stuffed as you are, they won’t even notice it’s that old. So you’ll turn heads for sure.

Then there’s the badge to add on to it. While there will be many cars for it’s price that show far better value, there’s no competing with Neptune’s trident my good sir. You’re at the bar talking to your crush and then the moment comes when she asks what car you drive, and you reply ” a Maserati”. You don’t even have to get to the GranTurismo part, don’t even bother. Even more satisfying is you bought it for less than her besties Prius. She’s yours for the taking after that, no question. And no friend to contest at the park, no colleague to put you down at work. You have a Maserati sir. Even better is that you now have something to post on Instagram without having to leave home. What they also won’t compete with is the sound. When Ferrari is your cousin well then there was no challenge in the first place. The 4.7 litre V8 ( no turbos, thank God!) Is built by the Prancing Horse marque and boy, you can tell every nanosecond that goes by.

If this car came with no stereo I wouldn’t be mad at all, in fact you might as well get rid of it and save weight because no Platinum record album is musically matching this V8 Italian masterpiece. It’s growling at low revs after you turn the ignition on and as you bury the throttle even deeper into the carpet you get a screaming, bellowing sonic field which has you whooping with excitement. Forget the rest with their engines, you have an orchestra beneath your bonnet! It’s these kind of powerplants that are just going to make you miss the internal combustion engine. Yes, the GranTurismo doesn’t have the most powerful engine, yes it’s maybe lacking a bit in torque, and yes it uses jojo tanks of fuel but in terms of stirring up emotions and sheer joy, it’s a straight A student. And if that’s what you’re all about, then you’ve been blessed my friend. 

The bitter parts

Of course, in a world where there’s humans there will be problems and the GranTurismo sure has them. My first one would definitely be the interior. And no, I’m not saying that because it is old. Even when new the interior just wasn’t it. All that beauty outside and then it’s absolutely not the same inside. It’s like a beautiful woman with a personality to justify physical assault. Unfortunately the GranTurismo is that woman. The design is so straightforward, there’s nothing exciting or dazzling besides the instrumentation. Ignore that and you’ll be wondering if this is really an interior for an expensive car. The quality is just okay considering it’s price tag, to be honest, and nothing works! I swear the buttons are there just to take up some space. Thank goodness there’s that engine to distract you from it. But that’s small things when you start looking at reliability. Like any typical Italian exotic, this is where it loses to that besties Toyota Prius I mentioned earlier. Yes it’s only $40k but that can easily hit the triple K because of repairs. Yes you will drive the living daylights out of it because it’s addictive and that will, I guarantee, will result in a breakdown. And repairing a Ferrari engine as you should know is not cheap. So, before you even think of buying one, budget some good 10k’s for repairs.

Either than that, there isn’t much else for me to slaughter on about in the GranTurismo. Of course head says no and heart says yes, but this time I think it’s safe to say the heart wins here…